Maggie's Senior Prom is tomorrow night, and she is going. Ugh.
I have my whopping share of generalized Gen X disaffection that caused me to leave high school at 16, and I have a particular animosity toward The Prom because of the pervasive fiction that "you'll regret it forever if you don't go." I do not regret not having gone to the prom. I have been to formal events since then—the Millennium Celebration at the San Francisco Opera was quite memorable—so I know that if that's what you're into, there is no shortage of events for which you can buy an expensive single-use dress and uncomfortable shoes.
But all of Maggie's friends wanted to go to the prom—because you'll regret it if you don't!—so we bought her a dress and a ridiculously expensive ticket. The event is being catered by a local microbrewery, which is sad because they are 17-19 and can't drink. It's just some pretty expensive hipster mac 'n' cheese. But she'll regret it if she doesn't go!
The school sent out "Important Information" today, and it is the most joyless bullshit I've seen for something that is supposed to be "fun." It begins by saying you cannot show up late—no admission after 6:45. No refunds. It goes on to warn that you MUST have a ticket, and it MUST be in your name, and you MUST show ID that matches the ticket. Better not have broken up with your boyfriend—which, of course, teenagers would never do 🙄—after you bought his ticket or you're screwed. No refunds.
Then there are detailed instructions about parking and drop offs. If you get dropped off, you have to climb to the third floor of a parking garage—in your formalwear—to enter through the door where you're subject to identity verification and search of your person and your purse. Not exactly a red carpet entry, especially if you've rented a limo.
Then they remind you that you better behave, or you'll be denied entry or be asked to leave. No refunds.
And finally, you will not be ALLOWED to leave early. So after an adult has felt you up, you've had your belongings searched, you've been asked to sit quietly like you're in school, been fed overpriced buffet food, and had to pay for someone to take a bad picture that will one day be laughed at on the Internet, if you're somehow not having a good time, you're still stuck. No escape.
And did we mention, no refunds?
...but you'll regret it if you don't go.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure Maggie is already regretting agreeing to go.
