I have had a Wells Fargo account for nearly 30 years. I have been faithfully paying my current Wells Fargo mortgage online from my Wells Fargo checking account for over decade. So when I went to pay my mortgage last Friday, I was surprised to find that the transaction could not be processed despite the fact that there is clearly enough money in the account. It said to try again later or call the customer service number.
I tried again Saturday. I tried again Sunday. I tried again Monday. Today I finally gave up and called the number.
Automated Voice: Please say or enter your account or card number.
Shit, where's my account number on the website? It's all asterisks. Duh, think! I know it by heart since I've been a Wells Fargo customer for 30 years.
Me:**********
Automated Voice: Please say your account number one digit at a time, or enter it using the keypad.
(sigh)
Me: * * * * * * * * * *
Automated Voice: You can add voice print identification for the future. Please follow the prompts to set it up, or say cancel.
Oh, FUCK NO.
Me: Cancel.
Automated Voice: You can add voice print identification in the future. Would you like to continue to receive prompts?
Me: No.
Automated Voice: If you would like to add voice print identification in the future, please speak to a customer service representative.
How many times do I have to say no to this?
Automated Voice: Please wait for the next customer service representative.
Their hold music sucks, but I guess I can at least be thankful it's not Opus No. 1.
April: Thank you for calling. This call may be recorded. ...yada yada yada... For security purposes, can I have your name?
Me: Jessica Cordova
April: Do you go by another name?
Duh. My bad. I haven't changed my name with Wells Fargo because the nearest branch in 1000 miles away.
Me: Jessica Madarasz. M-A-D-A-R-A-S-Z
April: Do you have access to the name on your statement?
Me: Yes?
Child, I just gave it to you.
April: ...
Me: It's not Jessica Madarasz? That's weird.
Panicking slightly inside. Guess I should have set up Voice Print ID... But imagine how fucked it would have been if it had been someone else calling. I'd have been locked out of my own account forever.
April: If you can't provide the name on the statement, you'll need to go to a branch for further ID verification.
Me: The nearest branch is 1000 miles away.
April: ...
Fuck. Wait! I'm logged on! I can download a statement and check.
For fuck's sake. Really? Are you shitting me?
Me: Jessica Meagan M-E-A-G-A-N Madarasz
Now the bitch is satisfied. Great.
April: How can I help you?
Me: I've been trying to pay my mortgage online since Friday, and the website keeps telling me to try back later.
April: Can you log on?
God grant me the strength.
Me: Yes, and when I try to pay my mortgage, I get an error saying that the transaction cannot be processed at this time despite the fact that there is enough money in the account.
I read her the exact wording.
April: Have you contacted the mortgage department?
Me (clearly exasperated): No. Why would I do that when the website says to call this number?
April (salty): I'm just trying to find out if you've talked to the mortgage department. I'll need to transfer you to them.
FFS.
I wait.
More loud, shitty hold music.
Automated Voice: Since this is a call about a debt collection, the call may be monitored and legal proceedings may follow.
Motherfucker, I've been TRYING TO PAY YOU FOR FOUR DAYS.
I explain to Curly (srsly?) that I've been trying to pay them for four days.
Curly: I'd be happy to help you with that. Can I offer you other Wells Fargo products that apply to you?
Me (curt): No.
Curly: Okaaaay. Can I have the routing number?
Are you fucking kidding me? If Y'ALL don't know it...
Me: **************
Curly: That's shows as a Wells Fargo account.
No shit, Sherlock.
So Curly finally sets up the payment, explains that if I want to cancel it, I have to call, but I may not be able to cancel it on the day it's set to be processed, and will I please fill out the email survey saying that she was an excellent representative of Wells Fargo?
I know it's not their fault. They didn't design the website in the first place. They didn't break it in the second. They didn't write the automated menus. They didn't write the scripts they have to go through.
But for fuck's sake.
And none of this addresses the original problem, which may still crop up at the end of this month when I go to make the November payment....
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